omg russia oh noes

this feels too long to fit into a tweetstorm, so here we go.

everyone needs to stop being so fucking offended russia tried to influence the 2016 election. they need to stop being so shocked when the US government responds by cutting off some diplomatic relations, and they also need to stop being so shocked that putin was advised to respond exactly in kind. its not even that surprising that he would say “nyet, let’s wait until new president to make the decisions.”

so if you, hypothetically, had a country with global influence, and there was this other country with an election that would impact your agenda directly, would you rather the winner be a) random or b) a better chance of your favorite candidate winning? because that’s this country’s foreign policy. the US actively rouses up regime change in states like libya and syria. if they didn’t, if they weren’t using all possible options available to them to meet their ends, we’d be up in arms about it. we’d be flaming weak leadership every day. our CIA has done this shit forever. ask tech, who’ll tell you “i’m from where the only place democracy’s acceptable is if america’s candidate is electable.” we go even farther in smaller countries. we even foment revolts and civil wars. we actively arm al-qaeda affiliated rebels because they oppose the leaders we do. but how the fuck dare vladdy-P steal some emails and give them to wikileaks, right?

does it suck that russia may have had influence on our election? hell yeah it does. it bites when the shoe’s on the other foot. be mad at your own folks for not stopping it. be mad at the DNC for falling for goddamn spearphishing because a dude said “legitimate” instead of “illegitimate.” be mad at morons who think because their nazi boards use “cheese pizza” as code, emailed lunch plans are secret messages about child sex slavery. shit.

so you’ve been pwned. you think you know who did it. that sucks and is embarrassing.  there must naturally be consequences. not too severe, because you do the same stuff yourself, just don’t get caught. the response is to deliver a non-threatening slap because obviously it is. send diplomats home. we aren’t going to do anything real over it because there’s no evidence (afaik) that they actually like broke into voting servers or anything that direct. OMG I AM SHOCKED ITS THE COLD WAR. and putin’s advisers tell him “give barry o’bummer the i know you are but what am i treatment.” OH NO WHO CAN BELIEVE IT. FOREIGN DIPLOMACY IS NEVER LIKE THAT. yes it is. and it’s always been putin’s propaganda that obama is a weak leader. russia is a very right-wing place that would see obama as a giant wuss because he’s a neoliberal, just like republicans do. so he’s waiting for trump, who has been publically pro-putin and would tell you that himself. (i think. you never know what he’s gonna cop to.)

basically i would like the shrieking left to calm their chestboobs about all this. the DNC and the US intelligence community got caught with their pants down. they respond because they have to, and lightly because it isn’t a big deal. you know what’s an actual big deal? that the state department waited 8 years to come out against israeli settlement. john kerry’s speech the other day, while it is the direction i wish we could go, was the foreign policy equivalent of all-chatting “gg, teammate is ass” and immediately leaving the game. if that’s been this administration’s policy all along why has the US supported israel through E VER Y THING until the UN vote this week? and if it changed, what changed, when, why? naw. we gotta scream about how skeptics of the government story on russia are kremlin agents. i hate everything.

well not everything. i hate everything about world events right now.


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