one day in no man’s sky

this is just a story of my journey. if you’re looking for whether the game ported to PC well, or whether you should buy it, hopefully the story will answer your questions.

i wake up next to a busted ship. it’s fairly rocky, but there are plenty of sparse trees around. i notice the windows on my second monitor aren’t organized how i want and click away. no man’s sky makes noise again when i click on its start bar icon but refuses to come back. issue: tabbing out of fullscreen kills your game. oops.

i wake up next to a busted ship. this isn’t the same place – it must not have saved my game when i started it. this place is much more lush. i jump in the ship immediately and the helpful robot voice tells me how to fix its various components. i’m not sure who this robot voice is or whether i should trust it but surely this advice is harmless. one of my components needs me to get iron, which seems easy enough, there was a block of it right next to where i woke up.

i get out of the ship and immediately overheat my mining laser. quickly, i get the hang of pulsing it so i can mine quickly without singing my hands off. the iron in hand, i mainly need plutonium. there is a cave on the other side of the ship. minecraft sends me there.

it’s not a particularly deep cave, but i can tell there’s more behind a slag of iron. i begin shooting my mining laser at it. suddenly i’m taking damage? red lasers! a sentinel! i don’t even have a weapon! i fire my mining laser at the sentinel which eventually kills it. an alarm – more are coming! i’m not sure what this place is playing at, being simultaneously right next to where i spawned and forbidden by the sentinels, so i sprint for my life. they don’t give chase, apparently satisfied.

i find the materials i need outside anyway. the iron is in great chunks, which isn’t that weird because i’ve seen videos of the game rust before. the plutonium grows in crystals which is also not that weird because this is a sci fi game. the zinc and platinum grow in flowers which is complete nonsense.

my ship now repaired, the robot begins insisting i leave the planet, but why? there’s a green question mark right over there. before heading to it, i notice something happening on the other monitor and reflexively alt-tab.

oops.

the next thing i know i’m standing next to the ship. it’s repaired. exiting the ship saves your progress. gotcha. the first thing i do is upload and rename this place – the system goes from something unpronounceable to System of Ni, my homeworld Nia. i make my way to the question mark, farming carbon and iron along the way, as well as touching a “knowledge stone” that tells me some unuseful “gek” word, until i see what looks like some kind of outpost. after picking up all the plutonium around it, i go inside and am hailed by THE EXTREMELY INTRUSIVE LETTERBOXING THAT DRIVES ME INSANE and kermit the frog. he talks to me, i guess, the words aren’t comprehensible, but i respond in a way that he likes. my relationship with the Gek improves. i interact with kermit the gek again and this time his response is only mostly incomprehensible words but also the one from the stone is there. in english.

oh.

outside the outpost is a beacon. mass effect tells me to go play with it. it needs a bypass card, which i noticed earlier is on the list of things i can make, so i do. there’s a few things the beacon is able to point me to. one of them is a “monolith.” that sounds the most interesting so i ask it to point me toward an ancient alien artifact. it’s just a 6 or 7 minute walk away, which is filled with animals for my visor and weird stone dicks i can mine for ores until my inventory is full. which is immediately. you can transfer items from suit to ship but i’m apparently miles away, because the robot tells me the ship is too far away to do that. gotta improve this thing. the monolith is surrounded by more stones that tell me words and contains some kind of weird message about a Gek empire taking over the outer rim.

oh.

i make my way back to the ship and stop at another nearby question mark, talking to another kermit the gek, then find another ship with similar stats to mine but one more inventory slot. why yes, thank you, i will be havin that. finally i turn the nose skyward. finally, claiming my rightful universe. the game tells me it’s no man’s sky but like eowyn your friendly neighborhood non-binary is no man.

there’s a space station straight ahead so i go there. another kermit is in there too. i use the button on the wall to sell most of my things on the galactic market. never knew there was such a thing but i’m happy it’s there. i leave the space station and make for the nearest planet. the pop-in as i descend is disastrous. the place is a shithole, totally barren of animals, with a mushroom here and there. i make my way into a cave and fill up all my inventory slots with plutonium before i recognize what i’ve done, then immediately start destroying it because SOME OF THESE CRYSTALS ARE GOLD OMG.

i don’t want to get too far from the boat so i head on back and go straight back to the space station to sell that gold. rich as hellllllll time to buy some things from the market WHEEZECOUGH. that’s high.

i go to the next closest planet. it’s the closest to this system’s sun and hot enough it’s crushing my life support. here i come across a giant stone dick of aluminum except sean murry is british so it’s aluminIum. which, as eddie izzard would tell you, is cheatin at scrabble. i continue my way across the planet’s surface, talking to kermits and seeking out their monuments. occasionally i’ll stop in at colonial outposts and fight sentinels for some kind of garbage reward. a buddy on steam asks me how the game is and it crashes as i’m typing a response. haha.

above this hot planet is a small group of ships made of containers. it says “destroy” so i shoot at it til it breaks open. which, strangely, attracts sentinel starships. it seems so far as if the sentinels are protecting the environment from me mining it and NPCs from me stealing from them. i’m able to out-dogfight that ship somehow and plasma burst away before the reinforcements show up, then head on.

i’m starting to itch to leave this system but there’s still two planets in the system. the fourth tells me it’s a Paradise Planet when i land and ho boy, it isn’t kidding. that place is gorgeous. mostly water but chock full of islands filled with friendly animals and alien monoliths, all kinds of plants, and my first dinosaur. that planet is beautiful but bizarrely -50 Celsius. the hot planet was as far from 0 as this place is. what a weird thing. fifth and finally in the system is the second planet i rename because the surface is covered in stone dicks filled with SOLID

PURE

GOLD

I’M RICH

this planet gets named “GOLD EVERYWHERE” to help out any future travelers and i take my inventory full of gold to the space station, though i have to wait for the LETTERBOXING OH MY GAD to get out of the way of telling me i’ve walked some arbitrary distance before i can sell it all. and with that, i am out of the system and on to the next one. bracing to come out in a meteor shower, i engage the warp drive.

my warp comes out cleanly but also right next to a container ship. this time i do not shoot at it but instead scan, which tells me there is a beacon. i follow that beacon to the surface of a planet, which points me to an outpost, where kermit the frog gives me a blueprint and the robot has the impression i was expected and he was only the messenger. who is leading me here? why? how can the robot responsible for my HUD figure this out? it sends me to the local space station where i can now afford to buy antimatter, which i do, and recharge my warp drive, but i’ve no intention of leaving just yet, there’s several planets here.

and so no man’s sky goes. i’ve reached Partner status with kermit the frog, expended my pack inventory to 17 (which is the MOST worth upgrade in the world, you absolutely must seek out those cargo pods), renamed a planet that just acid rains all the time Poisonous Hellhole to dissuade future travelers, and am ready to warp on to another system. i’m very excited to see what else this universe has in store for me and hope to get some great stores to share. and i hope you will too!

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